☆Love Liberally☆

I’m really bad at keeping my emotions in track; I feel like my life is a roller coaster of emotions. I’ve tried the usual: early bedtimes, exercising more, prioritizing, but nothing works so my goal is to write a journal entry every day. And I know I won’t do it if nobody keeps me in line so the hope is that I feel like people are reading my entries to motivate me to write them everyday. 

Something you probably didn’t know about me: I have really bad anxiety. I stress out and freak out over everything. This hasn’t been diagnosed by a doctor, but I know I have it. I feel like my anxiety envelops me and I can’t escape it. It’s weird, but I freak out over everything and for once in my life I just want to feel peace.

Something you probably didn’t know about me: I hate myself. I look in the mirror and I want to throw up. I don’t have any guy friends because my school revolves around looks. I hate it when people tell me it doesn’t… they’re usually the pretty ones. I try so hard to not let imperfections bring me down, but I can’t find one single part of me that I like. I’ve dealt with this for so long and I know my friends and family think I’m just putting on a show. But I’m not. I don’t feel like I can relate to anyone.

Something you probably didn’t know about me: I have depression. Diagnosed by my doctor, but my mom refuses to accept it. She hates it when I try to talk to her about it. In the place I live, nobody can be depressed; everyone is perfect, remember? I’m not trying to label myself, but sometimes it’s easier just to blame something: “Oh it’s just the depression speaking…” I’ve done so much harm to myself I wish I could take back, and I’m terrified of the future.

Something you probably didn’t know about me: I love God, but I hate religion. Religion is binding, prejudicial, a label, and causes wars. Jesus is pure, true, life changing, loving, awesome, and my savior. I don’t believe just going to church makes you christian. Christianity comes from a relationship with Jesus. I sin like every other person, yet Jesus loves me. And for all the people that don’t know Jesus, don’t believe in Jesus, or even hate Jesus, he loves you all equally as much as he loves the people that love Him. Jesus Christ has saved my life so many times and given me so much hope. Some people think that it’s just faith that’s helping me, but can faith really save a person’s life? I don’t think so. That’s Jesus Christ.

I’d love for someone to remind me to post one of these everyday, if they see that I haven’t that day. 

-Phoebe